Internet Perdition
by Lotus Aia
Summary: Yaoi Sasunaru and Kakairu! An artist is terrorizing the internet with pictures of mixed pairings doing naughty acts! Fluffy protests to several pairings.
1. Fluffy protest to Naruhina

A protest to all the NaruHina pictures I've been seeing plastered over the internet lately. Fluff ahoy! YAOI! (let's hear an amen, fanboys and fangirls!)

And sorry about not having an 'at' sign; doesn't allow 'at' signs. Which is silly.

* * *

Internet Perdition

* * *

Sasuke sat down in the computer chair; heaving a weary sigh and leaning back to rest any and all aching muscles. Naruto's snores from the other room informed him that the kitsune hadn't had any trouble getting straight to sleep after their extensive training exercises in the forest. A docile meow from his feet also informed him that Naruto's stupid cat was on its preparation stage of 'torment Sasuke until he pets me'. 

He turned to the computer and rolled the mouse across the pad a few times to wake the sleeping machine from its hibernation. It blinked to life, a brilliantly bright picture of Team seven with Iruka. The academy teacher grinned sheepishly from beneath Kakashi's arm, while they all stood in front of the Konoha mountain with wide grins. He smiled at the picture affectionately, as far as Uchiha Sasuke affectionate smiles went, anyway.

The mouse glided over to hover above the internet icon, which he double clicked and waited patiently.

Before he could chance a thought about the volume, an overly drastic voice blared through out the surround sound system that Sasuke had mail, the word 'mail' making the windows shake and the floor rumble. He scrambled at the speakers, taking the 'controlled' approach and beating his fist on the seven or eight knobs until the sound snapped off with an exiting thud.

He breathed in relief and leaned back to see if Naruto had woken. The blonde stirred, rolled over, and continued breathing evenly. Sasuke scowled at the offending speakers and clicked on the mailbox, sorting through the list of emails.

_**shurikens'r'u s -at- shinobiweapons .com(Shinobi Weapons) Sub: Sasuke! You have not bought your yearly supply of shuriken! With this two dollars off coupon…**_

_**SPRINGTIMEOFYOUTH -at- shinobiline .org (Gai-sensei) Sub: HELLO ALL OF MY YOUTHFUL STUDENTS! I INVITE YOU TO COME WATCH A DUEL BETWEEN ME AND MY ARCH RIVAL ON SATURDAY!**_

_**Ichaichaparadise -at-shinobiline .org (Kakashi-sensei) Sub: Saturday training?**_

_**mylovesasu -at-fangirl .com (spam) Sub: Sasuke! Are you sure you don't want to reconsider your sexual preference?**_

_**Ramenluver -at-shinobiline .org (Naruto) Sub: Ha! I'm emailing you even though your in the other room!HAHA!**_

_**lazyshadow -at-shinobiline .org (Shikamaru) Sub: Hey, Sasuke! Get a load of this!**_

Sasuke clicked on the read button grimly, opening the next window and skimming through the short email with semi-dread hanging on his heart.

_I found this while I was surfing the web and thought you'd get a kick out of it! (Don't kill me if you don't get a kick out of it though, I'm not the one that drew it)_

_-Shika_

Sasuke grimaced again, and against better judgment, clicked on the link and leaned back, waiting for the page to load.

A soft shift in the bedroom snapped him to attention. He rolled the chair back further to peek into the room once again. Naruto was groping at the bed and mumbling, his face beginning to grow angry as he reached further across the bed and muttered unintelligible pleas. "'Suke?"

"I'm on the computer, I'll be there in a little bit… just checking my email." He called in return, snorting as the young man growled and grabbed Sasuke's pillow, squeezing it to him as if hugging a body. Naruto had grown too accustomed to sleeping with someone. Sasuke made a mental note to fix that problem sometime in the near future. After all, it was not good to have a fussy Shinobi muttering in his sleep while on a dangerous mission, or even while spending the night at Iruka's house.

He looked back to the computer screen, heart palpitating momentarily. "Mother of…" he muttered the face he made mixed between disgust, hate, and anger. "Who would…?" he snarled just below his breath, scanning the picture to try and recognize any type of watermark. He scrolled to the bottom of the page and violently hit the 'email me' button.

Pale fingers dashed across the keyboard with livid tapping. He glanced up at the picture one more time, the anger making his blood throb. What a horrilble picture. To top it off the artist wasn't very good either. Naruto's hair did not bend like that (it didn't bend at all in fact) and Hinata's eyes were all wrong. And their mouths didn't even look like they were pressed together, it looked like Naruto was eating her face. It was a blood curtailing picture to the sulky boy.

_To whom it may concern-_

_This picture is disgusting and offensive, and not just to Naruto, but to me. Hinata and Naruto may have had a childish crush in the past, but this is ridiculous. Having my boyfriend plastered to a good friend of ours by the lips is rude, and unless you want your ass kicked I suggest you take it down and delete it._

_-Uchiha_

_PS. I don't care if your flipping ANBU. I can guarantee your death anyway._

He hit the send button with a harsh snap, nearly breaking the mouse beneath the strong and deft finger. His shoulders didn't relax, but his heart lightened a bit at allowing himself the pleasure of threatening some stranger ruthlessly.

After shutting down the computer without further ado, Sasuke stood and began stripping from his clothes on the journey to the bedroom, finally crawling beneath the covers beside his lover's nude form.

"Whaz wronnngg..?" Naruto mumbled into the mattress, abandoning his death grip on Sasuke's pillow and instead encompassing the real material.

"Nothing." He grunted, leaning down and meshing their lips together fervently. "Someone was trying to get their ass kicked over the internet is all." He muttered, snuggling down into the bed more to hold the back of Naruto's neck possessively.

"Hn. I trust that was difficult with the computer screen being in your way and all." Naruto smirked ruthlessly through his veil of exhaustion.

"Shut up and sleep." The Uchiha grunted, kissing gently at the blonde hairline and squeezing.

"Whatever, 'Suke… just don't kick all night again. You need to learn to sleep peacefully."

"Whatever."

Naruto cracked an eyelid slowly, examining the scowl on his boyfriend's lips. "Sasuke…"

"Hn?" he grunted, eyes closed in a faux relaxation.

"Love you." The blonde placed a soft kiss on Sasuke's jaw, then nuzzled into the inviting neck before him.

His dark features melted into a surrendering compassion, even if slight. "Love you, too."

* * *

Fluuuuuuff. Yummy boy fluuuuff. And this concludes my protests to NaruHina pictures and fiction everywhere. 

And tell me if there's something wrong with all of this, because when I went to preview, it had every type setting on, and none of the emails were there at all. So I don't know if it showed up for anyone else.


	2. Fluffy protest to Kakasaku

I believe I promised many of you an anti-Sasusaku ficlet, but this was born of a traumatic experience from a few weeks ago, in which I was dooped into reading a Kakasaku. But then, this was born of my traumatized state. I give you...

* * *

Internet Perditions, Part 2

* * *

Kakashi's face was a bright crimson, lips clenched tightly together. "Tsunade-sama, the relationship between me and my students is strictly teacher-student. I would never-" he sputtered on the next words, horrified and offended. 

Tsunade raised a questioning eyebrow and leaned back in her chair, fingers forming a thoughtful steeple. "Kakashi-san, you do read many perverted novels. And in front of them no less."

"I read them in front of everyone! And Jiraiya wrote them! He would never have-!" More sputtering followed, the loss of words and indignant stammering where very unlike the copy-nin.

The endowed woman glanced to the side at her computer screen, still unsure. "These pictures look awful real, Hatake." she seemed to be warning him of severe consequences if he was lying.

"Listen you old hag! Three things! One, that is the worst photoshopped picture I have ever seen, _ever._ Two, you wouldn't know how to run a computer to photoshop anything, so don't even try and argue with me about it being real. Three! I'm spoken for! I would _never_ do something like that with a kid, or with anyone else for that matter!" The portion of his face that showed was outraged and still thoroughly offended.

"Photoshop, huh? Hn. I guess it is a little unproportional." she cocked her head to look at the picture better. "You've got a nice back for an ex-anbu. Not too many scars."

"Why are you looking at fake porn anyway!" He grabbed the mouse and quickly deleted the picture, teeth gnashing together at the site.

"Heeey! I was spying on villagers with that program… now I'll never be able to find it again." she stared at the computer dumbly. "I hate trying to work these things…bring it back, Hatake!" she pointed at the screen.

"It was just a myspace." he growled.

"Put it back on the screen! There were more pictures!"

Kakashi stood up stiffly, and turned on his heel not bothering to even pass her a farewell.

"WAIT!"

His fists clenched. "What?"

"So you have a girlfriend?"

"None of your business."

"Boyfriend?"

"Still none of your business."

"You promise you weren't screwing any of your students in the forest outside campus?"

"NO!"

"Okay, you may leave now."

He didn't bother to listen to the last part of her sentence and had disappeared completely.

Shizune was bright red in the corner of the office, but Tsunade remained unaffected by Kakashi's uncharacteristic behavior. In fact, she was more put out about the fact she couldn't navigate her computer any longer. "Shizuuuuneeeeee…. bring it baaaaack!"

Her secretary walked over and quickly brought the website back. "Maybe you should ask me before you call in your Shinobi to accuse them of such things." she suggested meekly. "Sometimes you can tell when the pictures are fake." she explained gently.

Tsunade pursed her lips and located the scroll button, the only button she knew. "Yeah, that's a good idea."

o0O0o

Iruka glanced over his shoulder when the door slammed shut from the other room. He pushed a cup of tea to Kakashi's seat and sipped quietly at his own while playing a word game in the morning newspaper. "What did Tsunade want?" he asked casually, waiting for the inevitable thud of his boyfriend in the chair opposite him.

"She accused me of molesting my students because she found some horribly photoshopped picture on the internet!" he exploded, barely missing his cup of tea with an exuberant back hand.

Iruka nearly spit his green tea onto the table, leaning forward over his newspaper in squelched laughter. "You're kidding…?"

"No! She found some stupid picture some stupid person made on a myspace and thought it was real! The old hag must be loosing her eyesight because it was a horrible job." He muttered, throwing the entire steaming cup down his throat before slamming it on the table empty. "I want. To kill her."

Iruka's calm smile never wavered from the sedate pose on his lips, smooth skin glistening in the morning light. He poured them each another cup of tea and lifted his to curved delectable lips. "You see what computers have done to people? They should be considered weapons."

Kakashi shot their own computer a baleful look. "I'm going to kill that person when I find them."

Iruka didn't mind the threat and leaned back over his paper gracefully, hair shifting to the side of his head and playing by his cheek. "You're cute when you're angry."

"Hn."

The teacher could only smirk a bit. "I love you, too, Kashi."

o0O0o

_'Dear asshole-_

_That is the stupidest picture I have ever seen. I am an Academy teacher and do not appreciate this depiction of a teacher molesting his students. I advise you to take it off. Or else.'_

Kakashi read over the letter, then scowled in frustration. He leaned over the keyboard again to proceed with his hunt and peck method of typing in order to re-do his letter.

_'To-whom-it-may-concern,_

_I am an Academy teacher and do no appreciate this depiction of a fellow teacher molesting his student. And I seriously doubt that the Sharingan-Kakashi would appreciate it when he found it. I advise you to take it off before tomorrow when I give him this web address. He is very capable of hunting you down. Yours truly, Academy teacher'_

Happy with this version, he hit the _send_ button and watched the little bubble pop up on his screen declaring that his letter had been sent. Satisfied finally, he stood and went to the living room. Iruka was currently lifting weights before their lunch time excursion to feed the hungry fox at Ichiraku's. "Iruka."

"Hm?"

"Nothing." he took the weights out of his boyfriend's hands and discarded them just before dropping to his knees above the startled man.

"Hey-!"

A ravishing mouth attached to Iruka's neck, and greedy hands suddenly became trespassing hands. Indeed, there was nothing better to Kakashi than a flustered teacher between his legs and a pulsating chuunin beneath his lips. Nothing in the world could match it.

* * *

Yay for fluffy protesting! Had to throw in some ravishing in there, ne? Did you like this chapter, too? I hope you did!  



	3. Fluffy protest to Sasusaku

XD Sorry it took so long, everyone. I know you all really wanted this chapter. And I promised it two chapters ago, didn't I? I'm sorry, really.

Now, onward! To the Fluffy Protest of Sasusaku

* * *

Internet Perdition (aka Fluffy Protest No. 3)

* * *

Naruto liked Ramen. He really did. There was never a time in his life that Ramen had ever been declined on the kitsune's part. There was never a flavor he hadn't enjoyed, and he was always happy with whatever consistency it was presented to him in. Naturally, after so many years of being a rabid ramen fanboy, he had learned the recognize the scent to a single airborne iota. 

Therefore, only crossing the street to avoid the blonde boy was inadequate in saving your Ramen.

"HEY SHIKAMARU!"

The lazy boy winced, sighing and looking across the street slowly. "Naruto." he nodded his head politely and persisted his walk at a slightly accelerated pace.

"Heeey! Where ya takin' the Ramen!"

"To Ino!"

"Whatfor?"

Shikamaru growled, waiting for the blonde to cross the road to meet him eagerly. "She got stuck watching the flower shop through lunch, so she told me to go grab her something fast." he continued walking down the street, clutching the covered bowls of ramen to his side furthest from Naruto.

"Oh yeah? How many do you have?"

"Three. The third is for the other employee, you can't have it." he stated flatly, eyes sizing up his hyper-active friend. If he really needed to, he could use a jutsu on the brat and escape.

"Are you going to Ino's now?"

"No. I'm going to Sand Country, what do you think?"

"What?"

"Nothing." Shikamaru sighed, feeling he had exerted enough effort in talking for the time being.

The flower shop seemed to come more slowly when Naruto was at his heels like a puppy, trying to sneak his way into a scoring the third bowl.

"You shouldn't have to buy food for someone you don't even know! Come on!"

Shikamaru pushed the door open, trying to ignore his new best friend and get to Ino without any injuries.

"There you are! I thought I was going to have to send Mai after you you lazy deadhead!"

"Where is she? I brought the third cup like you asked…" Shikamaru held up the bag, then thought better of it when Naruto's eyes grew blood thirsty.

"She skipped on me for 'nutritious food' or something like that. Give it to Naruto." Ino scoffed lightly, turning back to the computer screen on the front counter.

Naruto let out a victorious whoop at his good fortune and dove for the bag. Shikamaru scolded and kicked him off, "Brat. Let me get ours out first." he hissed, walking to the counter beside Ino and plopping down on a chair there. Naruto scrambled into a third that was located between the two, jumping impatiently at the slow and languid movements Shikamaru used to unveil the precious prize.

His concentration was lost though when Ino burst into unbarred laughter that shook the smallest flowers in their pots.

Shikamaru only glanced at the computer screen and snorted, setting a bowl of Ramen in front of each of them. Naruto dug into his immediately, savoring only the first bite before beginning the devouring sequence of free ramen.

"AHAHAHAA! Hey, get a load of this Naruto." Ino swiveled the old, yellowing, anvil sized computer screen to face the two boys.

Naruto raised his head, broth dripping from his nose onto the counter at the motion. "Hm?" He looked from the girl to the computer screen with only minor curiosity.

o0O0o

From outside the flower shop, an old woman clutched her chest in shock and fear from the horrid noise that shook her knees and rattled the flower beds. It had originated from the inside the shop itself, but she didn't have time to look in. A orange and yellow lightning bolt had shot out the door, nearly knocking her down as it screamed and ran across the street.

Inside, Ino and Shikamura blinked in a mixture of feelings, Ino finally looking to her teammate curiously. "Does he not like computers?"

He looked at the half empty bowl of Ramen, a feeling of dread welling in the pit of his stomach. "Actually… I think it's more serious than that. I don't think he's ever not finished a bowl of Ramen before." he looked at the computer screen again, then took a closer look at the picture. "Hey… is that Sasuke and Sakura?"

"Yeah… Big-forehead probably hired someone to make it for her." She snickered maliciously.

"It's good." he noted with a bit more worry on the edge of his voice.

"Yeah, I know. Would be more real looking though if his hands weren't backwards. I think his left hand is on his right arm."

"You're right..."

o0O0o

"Sasukeeeeeeeeee!"

The raven haired boy nearly peed across the wall. "Shi- what! I'm in the bathroom!"

The door burst open, Naruto standing in the doorway with round eyes and a sniveling nose. "Y-you…"

"Are going to the bathroom?" Sasuke supplied dryly.

"Sak-sak-sakura?"

"Me…. sakura? No. Me… Sasuke." he zipped up his pants finally, going to the sink and washing his hands idly. "Say it with me now. _Sasu-ke_."

"You kissed Sakura?" he whimpered, eyes wide with imagined horrors.

His lover pulled a disgusted face. "Kami-sama, no. She'd probably try and molest me." he flicked water in his boyfriend's face playfully before reaching for the bath towel beside the scale to dry his hands. "Why do you look so horrified? Did someone tell you we had?" he snorted in amusement at the thought.

"Pic-picture." he murmured, feeling betrayed, hateful, and hopeful all at once.

Sasuke scoffed, rolling his eyes. "Naruto, you can't trust pictures. Technology is too good nowadays. It was a fake. And I can guarantee that." his eyes burned to the blonde boy. "You think I'd kiss _Sakura?_"

Naruto regained some form of rationale, considering the question in a heart-felt moment. "No… I guess not. There was a picture… on the computer though. And it looked really real." His shoulders dropped in a relieved sigh. "You promise, Teme? Because I won't be mad if it was before us! I won't, really!" he promised, eyes wide and hands waving, "I just don't want you to lie to me. You promise?"

"I promise." Sasuke stared at him flatly, standing in front of him in an attempt to exit the bathroom.

"Promise promise?"

"I promise promise." he established with a head nod to persuade the blonde.

Naruto cocked his head and pursed his lips, examining the cool eyes that gazed back at him patiently. "Hm."

The dark haired boy let out a deep throated chuckle, stepped forward to invade Naruto's space and pulled him into a limp yet loving hug. "Dobe… You've been the only one to ever catch my attention. I made you Ramen by the way. It's on the stove." he planted a gentle kiss on the whiskers of Naruto's right cheek.

"Ramen?"

Sasuke smirked. " I'm sure you'll suck that down in record time. It's the instant kind, but-"

"That's okay!" Naruto returned with a wet kiss to the lips, taking Sasuke's hand to drag him to the kitchen. "You know what I like, so that must mean your faithful!"

"…Everyone knows what you like. Ramen and Orange."

"Aha! I guess your right! But you make it when I need it." he grinned broadly and picked the pot up from the stove, bypassing the whole 'ramen in a bowl' thing and going for 'ramen still boiling in pot'.

Sasuke sat down with him to eat out of the pot beside him, reaching a cautious hand in between lethal teeth and chopsticks.

"Hey…"

"Hn?" the dark haired boy didn't bother to look over, taking his chance to get two bites from the pot instead of one.

"… Love you, Sasuke."

"Dobe."

"Eh?"

"Love you, too."

* * *

Awwwwe... major fluff... (hides from the rabid sasusaku fans) 

-Aia

* * *

BONUS!

* * *

Naruto sat down in the computer chair with a determined look, still licking Ramen from his lips and what could have been Sasuke slober as well. He found that Ino was still online and quickly sent an IM to catch her.

After a short conversation, he applied the web address she had supplied for him in the address bar. His eyes flashed in anger at the picture before violently smashing his finger down on the 'email me button' at the bottom.

_Dear whoever you are,_

_I hate you. You suck. Take that down or I'll kill you when I'm Hokage, after making your life a miserable hell until then._

Satisfied with himself, he exited the internet and pranced back to the kitchen. "Okaaay, I'm done now. We can do that game you wanted to play!"

"It wasn't really a game. Well, nevermind. Sure, it's a game."

"What's it called?"

"Hide and Seek Sasunaru style?"

"Eh!"

* * *

Bwahahaha! I just wrote that in like two minutes. I amuse myself. Vive le Sasunaru Revolution! 


	4. Fluffy protest to Irunaru

/Edit 5-22-06/ **o0O** **THREE EXTRA PAGES ADDED! O0o ** I added an Omake part 2 to the end, everyone! Whoopy!

* * *

I'm a T.A. for a freshman English class, and I have nothing to do. So, what do I do? I write kakairu. How awesome is the fact that I'm surrounded by English teachers, little freshman, and two other seniors, while writing fluffporn? So cool. You have no idea. But I've decided to give you Fluffy Protest No. 4. 

If this little wide eyed freshman beside me knew I was writing gay Kakairu and sasunaru fan fiction… I wonder what she would do? Maybe she would stop asking me questions and giggling when I answer? Maybe she would just fear me? Or possibly she would malfunction and freak out before spreading rumors about me.

Kids. Aha, they're fun. (throws crap at the freshmen between scenes)

* * *

Internet Perditions, part four

* * *

Kiba sighed and looked around himself, noting the buzzing of the fluorescent lights above were just sonic enough to aggravate his ears. He followed the aisles, all the while plotting vehement ways to turn the obnoxious lights off. The sound of electronics buzzing mixed with the lights in a harmonious nails on chalkboard serenade. Sometimes, he really despised having extra sensitive qualities. Only sometimes though. 

Another noise blasted above the sonic buzzing of the lights and methodic humming of electronics. Bugs.

He looked around for Shino, spotting the infested boy finally a few aisles down the row of speakers, ipods, and computers. Present task instantly forgotten, he zig zagged his way to Shino's side jubilantly. "Hey, what's up?"

"Hm? Nothing." Shino murmured, one hand reaching up to run a light fingertip across a laptop mouse pad, the screen jerking to life. "You?"

Kiba shook his head. "Nodda. I was looking at new flash drives because Akamaru ate my last one." he explained grumpily, eyes flitting outside where the dog was currently tied to a tree, napping.

"Hm. I believe they're over there."

"Yeah, I got it, I got it… are you looking for a new laptop?" he motioned at the Toshiba computer, brightly displaying an obnoxiously fake background photo of the Hokage mountain.

"Yeah." Shino stated simply. "Help me find a good one?" he grunted, eyes glancing to Kiba curiously, but always hidden behind the round dark sunglasses.

"Sure, I suppose." Kiba glanced at the laptop in front of Shino currently. "That looks like a pretty nice one. Wide screen, extra buttons for movies…"

"Hn. I thought so, too. I don't really watch a lot of movies though." He muttered, a bug crawling from his sleeve across the keyboard and beneath a key.

"Uhh… what's-uh…what's it doing?"

"Hooking up the phone line so I can see if it has a good internet connection." Shino put his fingers to the keyboard and several other bugs filtered out meticulously, sliding beneath the keys and into the disc drive.

"That's… weird." Kiba didn't receive an answer, for the screen flitted sideway before snapping on again. Shino's fingers danced across the keys and an internet box popped up instantly.

"Hm. That's nice." The mysterious boy talked mostly to himself, but Kiba listened anyway.

"Let's look around!"

"At what?"

"I don't have internet! Let's find cool stuff!"

"… I know a Myspace that has funny pictures."

o0O0o

Iruka settled into his desk with a contented sigh. The children had all scampered out the room with hoots and hollers for being allowed to leave a total of forty-five seconds before the bell rang. Though Iruka knew it wasn't a momentous occasion, he still enjoyed their faces when being granted such a privilege as leaving school early.

He picked up his coffee cup and glanced inside at the stale yet still warm liquid. Through out the day it had been heated up three times, and he was yet to completely finish it. Maybe those extra forty-five seconds had really been for him, so rest would come sooner than forty-five seconds later.

"You've got mail!"

Iruka despised that cheery voice. He didn't need his private matters blared throughout the classroom speakers, and he especially did not want it in a happy 'the world is full of flowers and candy' voice.

The mail box jumped open on command, and the loading window didn't seem to stop loading all the emails.

* * *

ramenluver.at.shinobiline .org (Naruto) Sub: Lunch? 

teachingsupplies.at.shinobiweapons .com (Shinobi Weapons) Sub: Iruka-sensei! Your 37quantity #2 type semi-hazardous traps are

SPRINGTIMEOFYOUTH.at.shinobiline .org (Gai-sensei) Sub: HELLO IRUKA-SENSEI! ARE YOU INTERESTED IN REFEREEING FOR ME AND MY ETERNAL RIVAL ON SATURDAY?

icha.icha.paradise.at.ichaichaparadise .com (The Pervert) Sub: Saturday lunch? All day?

Senbon.at.shinobiline .org (Genma-san) Sub: If Kakashi emails you, say NO.

Raidoh.at.shinobiline .org (Raidoh) Sub: If Genma emails you, tell him that he's not allowed to ref on Saturday at all.

med.nin.gurl.at.shinobiline .org (Sakura-chan) Sub: OMG I THINK THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH NARUTO. HE DIDN'T FINISH HIS...

icha.icha.paradise.at.ichaichaparadise .com (The Pervert) Sub: Hey, Sakura emailed me and said Naruto didn't finish a bowl of free Ramen. Should I send him...

Kino.at.freemail .com (unknown user) Sub: HAHA! Iruka-sensei's been naughty!

* * *

Iruka stared at the subject of the last email for a while, re-reading the message in his mind and mulling the words over. He didn't know any Kino, and he certainly didn't like the fact that it was an unknown user. Then again, the subject proved that at least he was somehow acquainted with this person. He double clicked on the email, unprepared. 

"Uwaaaah!"

The poor teacher could only stare in horror and violation, stomach crawling and spine tingling. Had there been anyone in or near the classroom, Iruka would have contained himself. Seeing as how most of the school was zipping off campus at Mach 5 speeds, he was very much ignored by the rest of the academy at the moment.

"&#$!&$!" He smashed the mouse to the reply button, missing and instead hitting the send button. There came a series of curses directed at the computer for disobeying his will and instead listening to his fingers. On the second attempt he got into the reply window, burning eyes scorning his old class comp. He violently attacked the keyboard in a series of semi-coherent angry half-sentences.

NOT FUNNY. AT ALL. DISGUSTING IS WHAT IT IS! I AM VERY VERY DISAPPOINTED IN YOU. I DON'T EVER WANT TO SEE SOMETHING LIKE THIS FROM YOU EVER AGAIN. NOT LAUGHING. PISSED OFF. DON'T DO IT AGAIN.

He hit the send button, growling beneath his breath and hoping that by sounding as if he knew who the person was, they would maybe apologize in reply. Then he could really ream which ever little student fessed up to the crime.

He exited the computer entirely, to angry to deal with any of the drama the rest of the emails seemed to be talking about. Packing his briefcase and returning weapons to designated areas around the room, he de-booby trapped his door from one of Konohamaru's stink bombs and left in a huff.

On his way past Sasuke's long driveway, he thought of Naruto, and the emails from Kakashi and Sakura stating he hadn't eaten his Ramen. Though as serious as the case may be, it wasn't the lack of ramen eating that worried him. It was the reason for the lack of ramen eating.

Without second thoughts, he turned sharply and walked down the gravel road to the Uchiha residence, hoping one or the other would at least be home to talk to him.

Sasuke answered the door, peaking out dully to see who dare bother his mid-day nap. "Iruka-sensei…" he pushed the door open and gave a half-assed bow. "It must be important." he noted, covering any sleepy qualities with the usual mystery.

"Sort of." Iruka kicked his shoes off in the entrance hall when Sasuke stepped aside to let him in. "Is Naruto home?"

The slowly moving boy shook his head, the motion making his bangs flop back and forth lifelessly. "I believe he said something about being forced to see Tsunade. Sakura wouldn't tell me why." There was an awkward pause before the dark haired boy yawned, unable to muffle it. "Something about ramen… and… flowers… I don't know." he turned around and walked towards the living room, Iruka following out of habit. "What's up?" he asked casually, flopping down on the couch and turning over a clean cup from the tea table in between them.

Iruka leaned forward to accept the cup, then motioned to the computer room he knew existed upstairs beside the bedroom. "I got an interesting email today at work. It was… a hand drawn picture. Lewd and indecent. I thought Naruto may have seen it and that was his reason for not finishing a free bowl of Ramen. It may be a stretch though."

A single graceful eyebrow rose on the pale face. "Ah… that was what she was babbling about. A lewd and indecent picture? Ino had shown him some sort of picture. I believe it was of me and Sakura though. Is that what you saw?"

Iruka frowned, perturbed at the thought, but shaking his head to answer the question. "No… it was of… Naruto and I." His cheeks tinted pink, so he hid behind the tea cup as best he could. "I sent an email in reply, but I doubt I'll get anything back. It was from one of my students, I believe. The email addressed me as sensei."

Sasuke tilted his head lazily to one side, considering. "Everyone calls you sensei though. Even Kakashi-sensei. And Genma-san. Doesn't necessarily mean it was from a student."

Iruka scowled, "You're right. That just broadened the suspects, didn't it? Well, there was also a picture of Kakashi and Sakura that Tsunade found. She called him to her office to discuss it. He came home in a pissy mood, too. So... three pictures?"

"Four." Sasuke corrected quickly. "Shikamaru found one while he was surfing the net of Naruto and Hinata and thought it would be funny to make me mad." he explained darkly.

Iruka's lips pursed and he leaned back, hands clasping behind his head as he examined the ceiling. "You realize what this means, Sasuke?"

The boy didn't need to be asked twice. "Someone's gonna die."

Iruka stared at the light fixture flatly, wondering vaguely where he went wrong in his teachings. "No. It means someone's going to be in trouble. You're too violent."

"Sorry."

"S'okay."

There was a long silence as the two stared off in their own directions, lost in thought and to perturbed to think. "He's really asking for it though." Sasuke murmured in finality.

Iruka was getting to the same level of aggravation just thinking about it. "I believe we need to have a meeting."

* * *

oO Sorry this took so long.

Next chapter! The meeting!

-Aia

* * *

Omake!

* * *

Iruka tossed his briefcase onto the couch, watching it thud right onto the floor. He took a moment and looked around the apartment only once before tilting his head back and bellowing provocatively, "I BOUGHT YOU AN ICHA ICHA!" 

Within seconds, there was a pop and fizzle. Kakashi stood naked and dripping wet, wide disbelieving eyes regarding his lover. "You what!"

"Actually, I need to talk to you about something."

The half showered and middle-of-shampooing man glared darkly and disappeared again in a pop.

Iruka trudged down the hall undaunted and into the bathroom.

"You know that picture that Tsunade brought you in about? Well guess what I just got in an email." He planted hands to hips, assuming the 'teachers gonna scare you to death in about two seconds' look.

Kakashi's foamy head popped from around the curtain, "Don't tell me it's circulating in emails now! That hag is going to DIE!"

Iruka waved a dismissive hand. "No, no. A different picture. By an anonymous source. It's of Naruto and I. Lewd and indecent." He snarled, staring at his reflection in the mirror and suppressing a shiver at the thought.

"Oh yeah? What were you two doing in it?" Kakashi wondered, generally just curious but earning a warning glare anyway.

"It depicted me... never mind. Just-no. Shut up." he turned to leave, but hung in a second longer. "We are going to have a meeting. Because this is going too far. Naruto and Sasuke both got one, too. I don't know what's happening in this village, but they just screwed with the wrong person." An evil smile passed Iruka's lips.

And Kakashi feared for the perpetrators sanity once his beloved was done with the would be artist.

* * *

I added that in two minutes. Because we needed some kakairu goodness. Sorry about the lack of fluff.Okay, upon answering everyone's wonderful reviews, I saw a bit of confusion as to who Kino was/is, so, I give you…

* * *

OMAKE PART 2! 

(set directly after Shino shows Kiba the myspace with the eeevil pictures)

* * *

"Aha! That's hilarious! We should send that picture of Iruka and Naruto to Iruka-sensei and see what he does!" Kiba delightedly took over the controls to the laptop, double clicking the picture and saving it to the My Pictures. 

Shino's slender eyebrows raised above his sunglasses. "This isn't even my computer yet, we're still in the store."

Kiba waved off the petty hesitance. "Bah, no biggy. Oh! I bet I can get Iruka's address from the Academy website! Ahaha! This is great!"

The boy behind him watched idly, unsure as to whether his friend's evil plan was genius or crazy. It was a fine line between the two after all. Though, in what honesty he allowed into his mind, Shino enjoyed a good prank when the opportunity presented itself. There had been the time in fourth grade when he put a bug in Ino's lunch just to see her and Sakura scream and make a mess of the girls' table. It had been a victorious day for bugs and their kind.

"Got it!" Kiba's obnoxious whoop snapped Shino's train of thought.

"…How do you plan on sending it to him? I'm not using my email."

The dog boy looked put out for only a moment. "Hmph. Hey, lets make one of those free email account things!" he eagerly opened a third window, searching 'free email' into Guggle. Upon finding a free email service, he opened a new account. "What should the name be?"

Shino shrugged.

Kiba glared.

"What?"

"You're no help."

"I don't care."

"Hn." Kiba turned back to the screen and picked out his letters carefully from the forty or so other buttons that littered the keyboard in front of him. "I'll put our names together! Shiba?"

Shino stared off to the side a moment, then tilted his head back to his haphazard partner in crime. "I think that's a Hindu god."

"Really? Huh. How bout… Kino?"

"Isn't that a game?"

"Shut up, I'm using it." Kiba snapped good naturedly, proceeding to fill out the form required.

**_Email address: _****_Kino.at.freemail .com_**

_**Name: Kino**_

_**Address: 666 Prankstah Wayz**_

_**Pranksville, Leaf Village, Fire Country **_

_**66666**_

_**Would you like to receive free adds in your email? If yes, check the box below! **_

"No way, be-otch!"

_**Password: heyhotty**_

"That's a stupid password."

"Shut up, it's not like we'll ever use this again anyway."

_**Would you like to upgrade your account for only $1.99?**_

"Why the hell would I pay for a free email service?"

_**Thank you for using Freemail for your email service plan! Please continue to your mailbox!**_

Kiba grinned ruthlessly and copy/pasted Iruka's email address into a waiting open email. He dragged the picture in and made a quick subtitle. There wasn't enough jacket to hold in Kiba's bouncing excitement. "This is so awesome, maybe we should go watch him open it."

Shino scoffed, "He lives with Sharingan Kakashi. If you want to die, you go right over and peak into Iruka's bedroom window." he murmured coolly, staring down an employee that looked to be questioning their motives on the displayed laptop.

Kiba solemnly agreed and removed his previous wish. "Yeah, maybe that's not such a good idea. –We should get out of here, we're getting dirty looks from people."

Shino scowled from behind his high jacket collar. "I came here to buy a laptop!"

Kiba grinned wolfishly, "And I came here to buy a flashdrive. How bout we skip the technology crap for now and we go get lunch?"

Shino parted his lips to speak, but closed his jaw tightly to think. "Hn. Fine. But you're buying."

Kiba shut the lid of the computer and smirked, "Maybe. I bet by the end of lunch I can get you to pay for it.

"Yeah right." Shino muttered, waiting for Kiba to untie Akamaru from beneath a shady tree. Then again, the stupid dog had a way with wheedling Shino out of his money. Kiba, not Akamaru. Kiba could always get money from him one way or another.

Smashing hips with Shino playfully, Kiba started walking without him towards their favorite and cheap eating joint. "I'm hungry, lets go!" He prodded unnecessarily.

Moments later, Akamaru could have sworn the bug-boy had muttered something about eating dogs. Akamaru would never repeat the words though. There was no need for _more_ perverted thoughts going through his master's mind.

* * *

Was that pointless? I don't know. I felt like you all deserved more because of all the wonderful reviews I've been getting. Thank you all! (glomp) 


	5. Fluffy Protest to Gaanaru

Hi all! Over my writers block finally. (phew)

* * *

Internet Perditions, part 5 _(aka Fluffy protest to Gaanaru)_

* * *

Sasuke dodged left, then dipped beneath a slow flying kunai. A thought passed with the kunai, his instincts forcing him to question the slow speed of the weapon. Then, with little surprise, the weapon popped into existence to become Kakashi-sensei himself. 

Sasuke growled, "That's a Naruto trick."

"What can I say, I'm the Copy-nin. It's what you and I do best, kid." Kakashi grinned at the blow he landed to the back of Sasuke's shoulder blade. "Your back is open!" he beamed playfully.

The younger shinobi could only growl and recuperate from the blow.

o0O0o

"I have a proposition for you, Sasuke." Kakashi lounged at the base of the tree his young pupil was occupying. The orange book in his hand looked considerably scuffed for some reason, which Sasuke made a note to ask about later.

"Hn?" came the automated reply from the raven on the limb above.

Kakashi's eye never wandered from his little orange book. "You and I are both the better hunters over our counterparts, don't you think?"

A wary eye turned to the mass of white hair below. "Hn."

"And this artist is in undeniable need of being punished, wouldn't you say?"

"….Hn…."

"So… isn't it our responsibility, our _duty_ to go after him and make him… 'apologize' for his lewd and misleading pictures?" Finally, Kakashi tucked the perverted book away, a smirk etching his sculpted lips, hidden beneath fabric.

"It's just art." Sasuke mused, feeling suddenly very lazy. He was undecided on whether or not he wanted to put forth the effort to locate this scandalous artist.

Kakashi's smile deepened, "I thought you'd say that, so I got this off the website." A folded piece of printer paper emerged from his vest pocket and fluttered up to Sasuke with a flick of the wrist.

The dark haired boy sat up, equally dark eyes casting shadows of annoyance over his sensei. "And this is…?" he opened the paper, no need for words or an answer once he'd taken head of the content. In record time, the blood had risen to Sasuke's pale face and his eyes became whirring angry orbs. His temperature rose and his knuckles turned white.

Kakashi watched through a reflection, satisfied with the reaction he'd received. "You were saying, about this just being art?"

A wadded ball of paper pegged Kakashi in the head, sticking in his grey locks. "This just got very personal." The prodigy ground out, jumping from the tree and landing silently on the forest floor. "Lets go, sensei." The command was not enforced by anything, and it didn't need to be. Sasuke stormed off, Kakashi retrieving the ball from his hair and smirking victoriously. He followed at a leisure pace, uncrinkling the paper as he went.

The picture of Gaara and Naruto wrapped intimately in dirty sex acts together wasn't exactly appealing to him either, but he hadn't expected such a marvelous reaction. So it was true that Sasuke had small possession problems around the Kazekage of Sand. Wonderful!

He took a second look to examine the picture. "Hey, Sasuke. Does Naruto really make that face when he's being- ow! That was uncalled for." Kakashi rubbed his palm where he'd caught the pelting pebble. _Touchy Uchihas._

o0O0o

Iruka dodged a lethal spatula, doughy slop splattering across the walls behind him. "Aye, watch what you're doing Naruto!" he yelped to the armed boy, who was at the moment dangerously wielding cooking utensils. The blonde brandished his spatula and spoon at the bowl in front of him.

"If this crap doesn't start unclumping soon I'm going to throw it out a window!" He snarled a threat to the bowl.

Iruka stared at the mixture, then displayed a jug of milk. "You forgot the main key to that process."

A curious look passed over the blonde, then he made an 'O' with his mouth, understanding suddenly. "Got it…" he set down his weapons and began measuring milk.

Iruka rolled his eyes and returned to his side of the kitchen. "Lets stay on subject here. You and I have to do something about this artist. Our counterparts are more of 'stab first, stab second, then when everybody's dead ask some questions' type of guys. They are probably going to go barreling in full of rage and beat this artist person to a pulp. We have to reach him first."

Naruto blanched and looked over his shoulder, "We can't we beat him to a pulp?"

Iruka huffed, lips pulling in as he stared ahead flatly. "Naruto. What do you do when people normally tell you to do something?"

He didn't need to think twice. "Not do it!"

"Exactly. If they go in to threaten him, he's just going to produce a whole bunch of these and then find protection of some sort. We have to approach this situation with caution, thoughtful planning, and an equal punishment that will stop him from creating all together." Iruka explained, his teaching voice nudging to the surface at some points.

"Aaaah… I get it!" Naruto beamed, turning quickly and flinging dough in all directions for a second time. "So what are we going to do to this guy?"

"That's for me to know, and you not to."

Naruto made a sour face at such an answer. "How do you plan on finding him?"

A wicked grin flashed across Iruka's usually kind face, eyes squinting and teeth gleaming.

Naruto shivered.

* * *

Maa… so there wasn't a whole lot of protesting in this fic, not even some fluff. Sorry, I will have to have a major fluff scene next chapter. Or do you all like the plot sans the fluff better? Or fluff sans the plot?

* * *

OMAKE! 

This Omake was actually my first draft to Part 5, but I scrapped it. I really liked a few lines in it though, so I decided to omake it and force it upon you anyway. Kya!

* * *

A serious look crossed Kakashi's face, casting a shadow over the entire group present. 

"This meeting has been called for reasons of offense, sexual harassment, and torturous mental imagery that shall remain unspoken, because it was mentally painful." Kakashi said coolly.

Naruto chortled under his hand, earning a slight glare from Sasuke. The blonde's eyes only sparkled though, "What? It was stupid."

"Shut up, Dobe. And you, let's get on with it, this isn't a business meeting, it's a planning meeting." The dark eyed boy spat to his sensei.

Kakashi made a mimicking face beneath the mask, then tossed a few pictures onto the table. "Whatever. Here are all the pictures that we've located, all from the same guy in varying levels of completion."

"Isn't it more likely to be a girl?" Iruka murmured, staring at the hand-drawn pictures. "I mean, how many guys like drawing make out scenes?" The thoughtful pause around the group turned into a sudden horror.

"I'm betting on Sakura! She's in two of them!" Naruto thrust an accusing finger at a certain pink haired girl attached to Sasuke's lips.

"But there are two different people." Sasuke counter-exampled. "She'd only choose one. And her art skills suck anyway." he muttered between clasped fingers, steepled in front of his mouth to look mysterious.

Naruto screwed his face up, but didn't argue.

The dark haired boy continued. "Plus, you should know of all people that Jiraya is just like that, and he's a guy. So we can't rule out male suspects."

Iruka nodded, "True. But as a teacher, I've only seen mostly the fangirls drawing these types." he poked at the picture of he and Naruto that was on the bottom of the pile.

"So we should blame the fangirls?"

"But there are fanboys, too."

"What about the psycho nasty old pervert men that haunt the internet in chat rooms at stuff?"

"Can they draw?"

Iruka sighed and stared at the center of the darkly lit table. "We're getting nowhere with this. I say we go to the computer and hunt for the website. It's a myspace, correct?"

Sasuke nodded absently, hands folded in front of his face ominously. "Let's split up."

"I CALL THE COMPUTER IN OUR ROOM!" Naruto dashed from the chair before meeting could even be adjourned.

Kakashi gave the retreating boy an exasperated look. "How do you _stand_ it?"

Sasuke shot his teacher a glare, "Don't call him an 'it', asshole."

Iruka looked at the boy surprised, then to Kakashi. The jounin waved it off languidly. "It has issues, don't look it straight in the eyes and you'll be fine."

Sasuke hissed at his sensei, but didn't retaliate.

* * *

End Omake! 


	6. Fluffy protest to Itasasu

I'm aliiiiiiive! (and lovin' my vacation! Save for the writers block) Here is is! ItaSasu fluffy protest!

* * *

Internet Perditions, Chapter 6

* * *

LotusAia's Fluffy Protest to ItaSasu

* * *

_IchaIchaParadise: Hey, ruka. R U busy?_

_Iruka-sensei: Write like a normal person, ass. I'm in the middle of class, what do you think?_

_IchaIchaParadise: Then what are you doing on the internet?_

_Iruka-sensei: Same thing you're doing, I'm sure. Looking for the myspace page with all the stupid pictures._

_IchaIchaParadise: Yeah. I didn't find it yet, but I found this! _

_o0OThe Pervert has sent you a picture, Accept or Decline?O0o_

_Iruka-sensei has Declined your picture._

_IchaIchaParadise: Why won't you look at it?_

_Iruka-sensei: Because I know you, you perverted bastard._

_IchaIchaParadise: Damn._

_Iruka-sensei: Naruto or Sasuke is on their computer. I'm going to invite them in and see if they've gotten anything_

_o0OIruka-sensei has invited Uchimaki to join.O0o_

_Uchimaki: What?_

_IchaIchaParadise: Ah, that would be Sasuke._

_Uchimaki: Im here to!_

_Uchimaki: … dobe. We're under the same name... they can't tell who's who._

_Iruka-sensei: No, we can definitely tell. One can't spell and the other is blunt._

_Uchimaki: Shut up._

_Uchimaki: Shutup_

_Uchimaki: Naruto, where are you anyway? We only have on computer._

_Uchimaki: I broke into-_

_Uchimaki: Um, library?_

_Iruka-sensei: I'm going to ignore that. Any luck yet, anyone?_

_Uchimaki: (Sasuke) I talked to Shikamaru and Ino. Unfortunately. It took some time, but I got it out of them finally. I'll send you the link. _

_Uchimaki: Nar- bUT HE TOOK ALL THE PICTURES OFF mYSPACE AND AND HES MAKINGA WEBSITE WITH THEM!_

_Uchimaki: Sorry, caps lock._

_Iruka-sensei: Great… just great… Kakashi? Did you get the site?_

_Iruka-sensei: Hellooooo? Kakashi!_

_Iruka-sensei: H_

_Iruka-sensei: A_

_Iruka-sensei: T_

_Iruka-sensei: A_

_Iruka-sensei: K_

_Iruka-sensei: E_

_Iruka-sensei: K_

_Iruka-sensei: A_

_IchaIchaParadise: Shut up already! And where the hell is the volume button on the computer!_

_Iruka-sensei: I'm not telling you. I left the volume up for a reason. _

_IchaIchaParadise: Kami-sama you're annoying. What do you want?_

_Iruka-sensei: Get the website from Sasuke and start searching. Tell me what you get. Don't do anything. I know you and Sasuke are planning something. I have to get back to class now, their quiz is over. Just tell me what you found when I get home from school. See you all later._

_IchaIchaParadise: Hn. He can look for it himself if he's so concerned. We're going through with our plan no matter what, Uchiha._

_Uchimaki: Sas. You're an ass. But I agree._

_Uchimaki: Nar. You're mean Kaka-perv-sensei!_

_Iruka-sensei: And I'm still here, Asshole._

_IchaIchaParadise: Um. I love you Iruka-sensei. See you after school._

_Uchimaki: Sas. You're sacless._

_IchaIchaParadise: You really will be sacless if you ever say that to me again._

_Uchimaki: Nar. NOOOO! _

_Uchimaki: Sas. Shut up, dobe._

o0O0o

A peace washed over the house after Naruto had vacated the premises. Sasuke adored his koi, but he could only take so much chaotic love. After have a rather explosive lunch, Naruto had bounded from the kitchen declaring he had 'business to attend'. The Uchiha felt no need to prolong his search (for prolong he did when Naruto's scrawny ass was wagging around) and promptly sat at the computer in preparation.

As habit, he click on his email icon, waiting for the page to load. A few junk emails from 'friends' were ignored, but a single email caught his sharp eyes.

_L'artistdeshinobismut –at- (unknown) Sub: A cordial reply to Uchiha Sasuke…_

Blood ran cold in his veins, eyes on the email. He quickly double clicked the letter, this time his patience worn thin while the stupid computer felt the need to take its time.

The letter loaded completely, along with an attachment that had the dark haired boy uneasy.

_Dear Uchiha Sasuke, _

_In response to your earlier letter in which you threatened to kill me and promised my ass a kicking, I decided to formally say, UP YOURS!_

_But deep down in the kindness of my heart, I knew you meant well, so I drew you this lovely picture._

There was a shaking anger which was slowly bubbling Sasuke's blood to an interesting boil. He clicked on the attachment… only to have his life flashed before his eyes.

"AAARG! $&(#$!"

The computer screen was knocked clean off the desk, toppling like an anvil to the ground and short circuiting. Several shuriken followed, piercing the screen and shattering the poor old monitor's glass window. The computer screen had no chance of life ever again, having been mauled and beaten by it's once considerably docile owner.

"Umm… casualty of war?"

Sasuke whirled around and stared at his sensei with as much hate and loathing he could muster. "He-it-it-he drew- he sent- MOTHER &$&!"

Kakashi stared at the ball of energy and chakra that kept bursting, accentuating every stutter with enough anger to make even the most well trained ninja fear.

"Okay… so.. he drew and sent you… a mother #$&(?"

"NO! He drew and sent me a dirty picture of me and my brother! MY BROTHER! He drew my brother d-d-do-!"

"Doing you?" Kakashi supplied carefully.

"YES!"

There was a minute of quietude where one Uchiha fumes, and one Hatake considers. "Maybe today isn't the best day for stealth searching. We'll start tomorrow." With that, Kakashi-sensei was gone in a poof, hands still shoved in his pockets and lazy eye staring ahead.

There was a long silence, which was indefinitely pierced with an angry yell and several following crashes.

o0O0o

Naruto was sorely hurt at being kicked out of Iruka's apartment, especially on account of Kakashi's none-to-cushioned words.

"You're boyfriend went nucking futs and he's tearing apart your house. Go home, because I have to check my email and stalk Iruka for the rest of the day to make sure he doesn't pull anything on this artist without my consent."

Soon following, Naruto was literally thrown from the house, Iruka stuttering protests and trying to rescue his blonde kitsune. No such luck.

o0O0o

Sasuke must have found solace somewhere, for the chaos and charred remains of a computer had just finished sizzling. Naruto bowed his head in a moment of silence to honor the once worthy computer of theirs. Though the computer itself had not committed a deadly sin, it just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time while this deadly sin was in occurrence.

Poor computer.

Naruto pushed his way to their bedroom, seeing that the door was slightly ajar. True to his shinobi skills, Naruto was not surprised to find he was wrong about Sasuke being in the bedroom. Instead, he heard a gentle splash coming form the bathroom and rerouted his journey to the tub.

"Um… Sasuke?"

A grunt.

"Are you alright?"

A grunt."

"Did you hurt yourself when you killed my computer?"

Silence. Then, "Only a little bit. I didn't know the inside of computers could electrocute you."

Naruto stifled his laughter, hands clamping over his mouth. "Oh, I see. I'm sorry."

"Shut up and get in the bath with me."

o0o

The blonde, not one to argue very well in the first place, ended up nestled in Sasuke's body, the hot water seeming to melt him into a boneles puddle across the Uchiha. He smiled to himself, dipping further beneath the water and searching for Sasuke's hand to hold.

"So… what happened?" Naruto pressed ever so gently on the subject.

Sasuke mumbled his reply, ever so compliantly. "…sent… picture …Itachi… me…"

Naruto cocked a blonde eyebrow, evaluating what words he had caught and putting the thoughts together. "He sent a picture to you of Itachi?"

The boy's cheeks tainted pink furiously. "He sent a picture of Itachi screwing me in the ass." he bit out tersely.

The pallid body beneath him clenched, causing a few rapid heartbeats from the blonde kitsune. "Oh… oh!" he turned in the bathtub and tried to radiate good feelings. Sasuke always seemed to settle when Naruto was in a good mood. "Oh that's… well… that's kind of gross." his face turned blank for the thought, then his cheeks matched his lovers in shade suddenly. "That's-that's horrible…" Without warning he shifted from pink to pallid. "That makes my stomach queasy." His cheeks puffed out in a pout. "Eeew…"

Sasuke nodded in agreement, hands coming to rest on Naruto's tan hips. They were tan compared to his own hips anyway.

With a wave of affection, Naruto fell forward, arms encircling the brooding boy lovingly. "But if I can stand it, so can you! Now stop moping and start thinking! What're we gonna do about this guy? He must be a really good ninja if he thinks he can taunt you and live." A thoughtful face came over the foxy grin, the blonde's arms retaining their hold on the soft body between his legs.

A wry smile escaped. "He's going to die… because I'm an avenger." his voice seethed out.

Naruto sat up and stared at him. "You're also a doofus, and that hasn't helped you in the past either. How many avengers take their anger out on defenseless inanimate objects?"

Sasuke glared.

Naruto smirked.

"Neee, baka Sasuke-teme! You know I love my doofus!" he launched forward again in a crushing hug, this time sneaking a sickeningly sweet kiss from his ominous lover.

"…Sorry I killed your computer."

"S'okay, it was old anyway. It needed to be put now. But now you have to buy me a new one. One of those flat screen things with the tiny drive box thingy and with all those cool features and-and high speed internet!" he bounced on Sasuke's lap, earning a momentary concerned face from the dark eyed boy.

"Fine, just stop bouncing on my lap unless you want to have sex in the bathtub." the threat wasn't all that empty, either.

Naruto missed the threat though and gasped, "Really? You'll buy me a new spiffy computer with high speed internet?"

"Hn. Sure."

"Waaaah! I love you so much!" A glomp induced hug attached to the circumference of Sasuke's head, giving him the strange urge to bite the pale flesh in front of him. And for once, he indulged in a spur of the moment urge.

"Ow! Teme! That was my nipple!"

Sasuke grinned, his qualms already forgotten when Naruto leaned back and grabbed at his chest in pain. "Why yes, yes it was." he advanced on the kitsune, suddenly happy the blonde had come to cheer him up. "Would you like me to bite the other one and make them even?"

"Teme!"

* * *

…Okay… so uh… there were hints of fluff… right? Was it acceptable? 

Where am I taking this story you ask? I don't know, why don't you tell me. oO

My eyes hurt, and I don't know why. Maybe my contacts don't like Hawaii, because I know I'm not crying do to fluff inducement, that's for sure. I kind of failed at the fluff today, didn't I?

o0O0o

I did it again you guys. Inspiration hit me as I was just about to submit this. Here it is. Once again. I've done itfor a.. second time now? You ready? Can you handle it? Here it comes? Are you sure you're ready?

* * *

OMAKE!

* * *

Naruto rolled over, wincing slightly as his buttocks twinged in protest. "Neee... teme!" he requested, flinging one arm behind him in search of his lover. "Temeeee!" 

"I'm in front of you, dumbass."

"...Oh." Naruto opened his eyes finally, snuggling forward. "I was thinkin',"

"Don't strain yourself."

Naruto glared.

Sasuke smirked.

"I was thinkin', Itachi's got nothin' over me. I'm blonde, and he's not. I'm smaller than you, and he's just bony and ugly. And you like smaller. I'm cute, and he looks like an old man what with the ugly wrinkles on his face and all. I smell good, and he smells like a stanky fish. I'm-"

"How do you smell good?"

Naruto pouted, eyes squinting incriminatingly, "Hey, I smell better than a fish!"

"Sometimes..."

"Shut up, I'm making you feel better." Naruto landed a short punch to Sasuke's shoulder. "I'm cute and fuzzy, and he's ugly and slimy. It's easy to buy me presents because I like two things."

Sasuke snorted, "Ramena and Orange." he recited dutifully.

"Chyeah!" he beamed, "And... and I didn't kill your entire family.I guess that's a bonus." he scratched the back of his head at the musing.

Sasuke stared at the boy flatly. "You're such a dobe."

* * *

Mwuahaha! Sasunaru omake strikes again! 


	7. Fluffy protest to KakaOCC

Er, sorry? I know it was a long interval between chapters. (sweatdrop) But it finally came to me a few hours ago! It was the _FLUFFY PROTEST TO KAKAXOCC_! (worthy of caps lock _and_ italics!)

YES!

* * *

Internet Perdition, part 7!

* * *

Kakashi-sensei was in fact known for his Sharingan eye. The Sharingan was a copy-all eyeball that came originally from his childhood rivalry and friend, and people hailed the Hatake for _only_ his Sharingan eye. Little did they take into account his real eye. The one that had gotten him to chuunin by a younger age than when most kids where still learning to tell time. He'd killed people by then. It was because of his sharp eye that he was who he was before he was the Great Copy-nin. 

And it was because Sasuke Uchiha was going crazy on his computer, that Kakashi had instantly checked out the soon to be extinct machinery. He had a sharp eye for detail, and a quick mind to work it out.

_L'artistdeshinobismut –at- (unknown) Sub: A cordial reply to Uchiha Sasuke…_

Along with a disturbing return letter, the heading displayed in fizzling letters across the top of the screen. It didn't take long to realize that Sasuke had received a 'return' letter. This made Kakashi's skin crawl in disappointment. He needed to check his own email.

o0O0o

Returning to his apartment, Naruto was present and bemoaning to Iruka the harsh life of a teenager living without proper home cooked meals. Kakashi needed but a few simple sentences to be rid of this blonde problem, making room for a computer problem to come.

"You're boyfriend when nucking futs and he's tearing apart your house. Go home, because I have to check my email and stalk Iruka for the rest of the day to make sure he doesn't pull anything on this artist without my consent." He explained in one breath, nearly overwhelming the kitsune. With that, he grabbed Naruto by the scruff of the neck and hurled him out the already open door.

Iruka gasped in surprise, one hand attacking the side of Kakashi's head with a spatula and the other reaching out to grab the door before it slammed shut. "Naruto are you-?"

"No time!" Kakashi grabbed the wiry little chuunin around the waist and hefted him off his feet.

"Damnit Kakashi, I don't care if your horny! I'm trying to cook!" With greasy spatula still in hand, he thwapped at his demanding boyfriend with vicsious spatula wielding power. Finally, he was discarded on the floor of the computer room.

Iruka hurled the spatula at him for good measure.

Kakashi rubbed his nose and stared down at his pouting teacher. "I think we may have an email." he explained, then pulled his mask down to look at his nose. "Ow, that kind of hurt."

"I used the sharp end."

"…? Hm. Anyway." he sat down at the computer chair and tapped away at the keyboard with only a slightly advanced method of peck and type slowing him down.

Iruka rolled his eyes and stepped forward, to watch in horrid fascination. "Why won't you learn to type correctly?"

"There's nothing wrong with the way I type." The silver headed man stated. "You just type to fast. I am slow and thoughtful."

"No, you're just slow."

"I love you, too, Iruka."

He chuckled dryly, leaning down and pecking Kakashi on the cheek to make up for the criticisms. "So what was all that about with Sasuke?"

Kakashi's face turned sour at the mention of 'the Uchiha computer' incident. "He got a reply email from our picture maker. I have a feeling that he wasn't the only one."

"You emailed the artist?"

"After Tsunade dragged me in, yes." he murmured, eyes grazing the available emails in his inbox. He scrolled down quickly, eyes scanning each title.

Iruka, incidentally, was doing the same. "Did that just say 'Icha Icha Picture book order confirmation'?"

"Nope."

"Then what did it say?"

"What?"

"What did it say?"

"What are you talking about? You're not making any sense, Iruka. You need to stay away from those cooking fumes."

Iruka scowled and thumped the jounin across the back of the head. "You're a real pill today."

"If I'm a pill, will you eat me?" Kakashi turned to Iruka beaming contentedly with himself and with the wit that had yet to be knocked out of his skull by his beloved chuunin.

Iruka could only turn purple and glare.

The short stand-off ended when Iruka's eye caught the heading,

"_L'artistdeshinobismut –at- (unknown) Sub: A cordial reply to Hatake Kakashi… _Looks like Sasuke wasn't the only one to get a reply." he grimaced and tried to ignore the childish giggling Kakashi was still shaking with.

"Eh? Oh… it appears so." Teasing forgotten and a serious air taking over the room, he double clicked the email and waited.

Iruka read out loud over his shoulder, leaning down to get a better look.

_Dear Mr. Academy Teacher, who I can only assume is Sharingan Kakashi himself-_

_I am an artist! Whether or not Sharingan-Kakashi likes my art does not bother me! But I understand that some people are embarrassed to be pictured in art, so I made you a picture that may heal your phobia. In this masterpiece, the viewer cannot really see you as well as the person on top of you. Enjoy! _

"… Kakashi?" Iruka murmured curiously.

The jounin had turned cherry red and was staring at the thumbnail version at the bottom of the screen. Without hesitation, Iruka reached forward and rolled the mouse down to double click the picture.

Both men turned to green mush.

"Oh. My. Gawd."

"… I think I'm gonna be sick."

"It's not… that bad." Iruka offered, but it sounded forced and restricted as it came out.

"Iruka… this is the worst one yet." he murmured, horror stricken. "I don't even _know_ who that is!"

"Me neither… I've never seen her in my life… I guess that makes it a little better?"

"No. Because she's… she's –on me. With…" He twitched, making Iruka stare at him curiously. He twitched again. "That is the most _disturbing_ thing I have _ever_ seen." he ghosted just above a sickened whisper.

Iruka finally broke down and exited the window. "Okay. Random chick we've never seen before with a…. doing you… um… so our artist is a fan of… femdom…" he was trying desperately to put some type of puzzle into place. "This artist person is _crazy."_

"He's going to die a horrible and painful death." Kakashi grabbed the mouse to exit the mail box, but the small plastic piece of hardware cracked and shattered in his death grip.

Iruka, near frantic in fear that Kakashi would lose it, grabbed him by the shoulders and forced him up, "Okay, lets go for a walk." he tried to sooth calmly, but Kakashi had disappeared already, gone in a poof of evaporating mists. Iruka sighed dramatically and flopped over the back of the empty chair. "Today is a bad day, I can feel it."

o0O0o

"Genma!"

"What."

"I need your help."

"What'd I do to deserve that?"

Kakashi planted his hands on the missions room desk where Genma was at the moment, attempting to fall asleep on the job. With little success, he finally looked up, sleepy eyed, to his fellow jounin.

"You remember that computer nerd chick you dated in the Academy?"

"…Who?"

"That chick that went psycho and tracked you down by tracing your emails."

"Oh, her. She was scary."

"Think you could find her again?"

Genma looked horrified, his senbon wagging down between his lips to point at the table in disbelief. "Your _kidding._"

"No. I need to track an email."

"No!"

"Genma, you owe me one. No, you owe me like seven. Remember when I reserved that room at the hot springs for you to seduce Raidoh? And I lent you the Icha Icha Diagram book. Genma, I even gave you the spiked tea it took me hours to make-"

"Alright! Geez!" He threw his hands up in surrender, eyes averting angrily. "You're a real jerk, ya know that? You do nice things for me just so you can use me later."

"That's not true, I do nice things for you because I know Raidoh will kick your ass and not mine. Personal amusement."

"…Why am I your friend?"

"Because. Now I need that number, _soon."_

"Hn."

Kakashi nodded brusquely when the door to the missions room opened and Asuma dragged himself in boredly. "Hey Hatak-uh, bye Hatake… Hey Genma…" He offered in confusion, the door still swinging from Kakashi's quick exit.

"Shut up and give me your missions report." Genma thrust his hand out demandingly.

Asuma huffed and crossed his arms in aggravation. "What the hell is wrong with you people!"

Guess what? I finally know where I'm taking this plot! Wee!

I always appreciate suggested pairings, though quite a few of them I have skimmed over. I'm looking for the more prominent ones that we see often and that make us all cringe. Repeatedly. Till we've got tears in our eyes that someone would even _think_ of putting those characters together.

Anyway. Aha, I just thought of something...

* * *

OMAKE! 

Note on Omake: This is in NO WAY part of the Internet Perdition story line. It's just stupid and existant is all.

* * *

_(Iruka opens email from artist)_

_**Kakashi**_: Oh. My. Gawd. It's of you screwing me. o.O

_**Iruka**_: That's... o.o

_(Kakashi and Iruka stare at picture of Iruka as Seme and Kakashi as Uke)_

_**Kakashi**_: That's kind of... kinky...

_**Iruka**: (glomp) _

_(Iruka drags Kakashi to the bedroom)_

* * *

Why was that in play format? I don't know. It just popped into my head. Anyway. I'd love to hear from you! Feed the ego, leave a review! 


	8. Fluffy protest to Gaikaka

* * *

Internet Perdition, part 8

* * *

Kakashi had been horrified when he'd been pictured being sexed up by a girl. He'd been horrified when he'd been portrayed sexing up his kunoichi. He'd been horrified when Iruka had been drawn sexing up Naruto. He'd been _amused_ when he'd found the picture of Gaara molesting Naruto. That one, he still used to taunt Sasuke with when he needed the boy to do something. Kakashi had been a bit disturbed at the idea of Itachi raping Sasuke, but… this new picture took all seven of the previous artistic renderings and blew them into oblivion.

Kakashi was not horrified at this picture. He was _terrified_. Horror-struck, appalled, disgusted, and fearful for his sanity, Kakashi could only stare and hope that his heart did not stop beating in his chest.

This picture… was the picture of all pictures. _Kakashi and Gai having horizontal man sex._ On what appeared to be the grass, no less.

The Green beast of Konoha was doing _him._ Kakashi was not only afraid his eyes would fall out, he was indignant about it. He was _totally_ seme. In all situations. Unless he was feeling kinky with Iruka, but that wasn't the point! The Green Beast was artistically portrayed as riding the Great Sharingan no Kakashi! Kakashi let no one dominate him, it was absurd! Nor was that position even possible, for he'd once tried it on his unsuspecting chuunin.

"Iruukaaaa!" Kakashi all but cried into the house, dashing from the mail box outside and to the kitchen. "It got our address!"

"Oh, did the stupid junk mail people finally track us down? Darn, I was really-"

"No! The artist! He got out address!" He waved the drawing paper around frantically, eyes wide with mixed emotions. "And he's getting _worse._"

"Eh?" Iruka snatched the dancing paper out of Kakashi's hand and gave it a once over. The composed chuunin lost it and his stomach squelched an unpleasant feeling of nausea. "…The _expressions…_" he groaned, wincing from just the sight. "I don't think your mouth can even open that far…"

"That's not the point! He got our address. I have to call and warn Sasuke and Naruto-!" He dropped the rest of the mail on the table, ignoring the whine from Iruka as it slid and scattered across the floor.

Just as Kakashi had passed the door to the phone a short knock interrupted his pursuit of said lost wireless telephone. He rounded back to the door and swung it out on roughly sore hinges.

"GREETINGS MY ETERNAL RIVAL! GUESS WHAT TODAY IS!"

Kakashi's blood ran cold. For the first time in his life, he was frozen in fear with thoughts of _traumatizing things._

"G-Gai, I-I-I have to go." he slammed the door and turned to run back to the kitchen.

But he was _there_.

The Green Beast grinned broadly and issued Gai Thumbs Up Stance 2, Style 7, Smile 4. "Not trying to get out of today's big competition are you? It's Saturday! Everyone is coming to watch!"

Dirty thoughts of Gai half naked in his Green suit, molesting Kakashi, in front of hundreds of people flashed through the sharingan user's mind. "Aarg! Gai, no! I can't today! Ever!" he stated quickly, then flushed. "Gai- no. Go home."

"They've already assembled to watch our great battle for dominance!"

Iruka burst into snickers from his hiding spot in the kitchen.

Kakashi shot a glare at his boyfriend, but quickly returned to a light shade of flushed pink. "Gai, I really can't."

"Are you too weak to overpower me, Hatake-san? Do I need to check you for ailment?" he stepped forward, Kakashi nearly leaping back into a coffee table.

"NO! – I mean, no, I'm fine, thanks." he waved his hands in front of him to ward off the help. "Really, today's just a bad day."

"But Kakashi, you must _come_!"

Iruka burst into uninhibited laughter from the kitchen. Kakashi finally turning a full shade of red.

Gai frowned and peeked into the adjoining room, "What is so funny, Iruka-sensei? I love to laugh! May I join you?"

Iruka sputtered more giggles, "Wouldn't you like to join Kakashi?"

"Yes! We have already planned to join together today, Kakashi-san! Let us _get off_! Off to the fields where we shall display ourselves to the many invited guests!"

Kakashi was close to losing all sanity. He was cursing whatever being that was imprinting such sentences into Gai's mind, and snarling at Iruka who was now howling with mirth in the kitchen corner.

"G-Gai, I'll meet you there. Just-just go." he tried to usher the Sparkling Thing out of his kitchen, then back to the front door, but the beast withstood the pressure.

"But Kakashi! Last time you said you'd meet me there, you came an hour late!"

"OUT!"

"If you insist, My Eternal Rival! But really, there is no need to push so hard!"

At this point, Kakashi's nose was bleeding through his mask, but Gai was now outside the door. The once mysteriously composed jounin collapsed to the couch and flopped onto his face.

"You're getting blood on the couch!" Iruka grabbed the jounin by his face and lifted. "You don't look so good."

"…I think I'm gonna be sick."

Iruka giggled, "Really now, Hatake-san! You can't be sick, you must _come for Gai on the grassy fields of the training grounds!_" he snickered as the love his life turned another shade of the rainbow.

"Iruka, you are going to _pay._"

"I'm not the one who emailed the artist." The chuunin scoffed and crossed his arms, following the exuberant chakra outside their home till it disappeared all together.

"He's been planning this fight all week. You should go." Iruka murmured, almost sympathetic to the Green Beast of Unintentional Smut.

Kakashi only groaned in return, mind swarming with unwelcomed pictures of _bad bad things. _"Ooooh… too many pancakes for breakfast… I don't want to revisit them…"

* * *

Saa, I know this chapter is super uber short, but I wanted it like that. I just wanted to contain the pairing. XD

Remember, I'm not more inclined to hating one pairing more than another, and I know Kakagai is pretty much accepted, but GaiKaka is what I focused on. Wherein Gai semes over Kakashi. It's like his worst nightmare. XD For the sake of the story and all…

Aha, and I got another flame, so you can all visit the FLAME AIA CORNER on my profile to read my response to the unsigned dastardly reviewer!


	9. Fluffy protest to AnkoIru

(looks around) Uhhh… heheheh…. (is pelted with random objects)

I'm sorry! I'm sorry I abandoned you for a short period of… a few months. Forgive me. (bows) Here it is. Chapter nine. And no closer to you know what.

* * *

Internet Perditions, part 9

* * *

It had been a few good days since the GaiKaka experience, and a few stressful nights of interrupted sleep for Kakashi. Iruka felt it safe to let Kakashi out of the house finally, seeing as how the outbreaks of blushing and stuttering had finally subsided into harmless twitching.

"Kakashi…?" Iruka gripped his briefcase in one hand, searching the bedroom. "Kakashhhhiiit!" Iruka was bowled over the bed, a beaming Hatake above him dressed in a green bath towel that slowly slipped off thin hips.

"Morning Iruka-sensei!" A rough playful voice made him sound like a wanton dog, needing to chase a ball or two.

Iruka scoffed slightly and reached up to pinch his lover's cheek, "Look, you've regained some of the color you lost last Saturday." he teased, earning a nibble to his earlobe from the over-joyful man. "Oh wait, you don't have any color." The tan one continued to tease, receiving another love bite to the other ear.

"You're going to be sorry you were so unsupportive in my traumatic life experience." Kakashi warned, sitting up on Iruka's vest clad chest to stretch high into the air. "I could have been scarred for life, and you didn't even sleep with me to make it better."

Iruka didn't listen to the whining, and instead absorbed the pallid damp flesh with a spark of lust. Kakashi's back arched so gracefully, scars and hickies alike elongating or shortening, depending which scar Iruka was watching. The Monday morning sun rays nearly made Kakashi a pillar of light himself, brightening the room with his pale glory. For a moment in time, Iruka just indulged in his fantasies before Kakashi let go of the long stretch and pointed an accusing finger in Iruka's face.

"You were thinking dirty thoughts, weren't you?"

"Nope. I was thinking about your poor team, being left on the bridge for two hours while you try and seduce a perfectly respectable sensei."

"I don't see a respectable sensei anywhere in here, Iruka-sen- oof." Kakashi grinned as he was punched in the stomach, being tossed aside on the bed. "Love you, too, 'Ruka."

Iruka rolled his eyes and leaned down for a sweet kiss. Kakashi smirked and yanked out Iruka's hair tie in the midst of their sweet kiss. Iruka huffed in annoyance, face flushing. He swung again at the jounin, but his fist passed by easily. "I'm leaving now. Because I _am_ a good teacher." He grunted, waving two fingers as he left the room, "You'll get yours when I get home." He threatened.

"I look forward to it sensei!" Kakashi goaded as he left, grinning when he was ignored and Iruka left the apartment. Not until a slight draft wafted through the room from the front door closing, did the jounin realize his towel was completely gone from his waist and he was sitting naked. "Slyyyy sensei."

o0O0o

Iruka motioned to the black board once his beloved students had settled into their seats attentively. "Alright everyone, like I said on Friday, we have a short quiz today that shouldn't be too hard if you at least _thought_ about your homework over the weeke-"

"Sensei!"

"Yes, Konohamaru?" Iruka smiled kindly, ignoring the interruption for the time being.

"What's that?"

"What's what?" Iruka looked at the black board. "It's your quiz. I just said-"

"No, not that, on your seat!" He leaned forward in his desk as if he could more specifically point to the object.

Iruka finally spotted the article of attention and leaned forward to look at his desk chair. "It looks like a note… probably from-" he stopped mid sentence, eyes widening. He snatched the paper from his chair and crumpled it into a small orb. "It's nothing. Take out a piece of paper and copy down the questions. I'm leaving a doppelganger to watch you." He snapped, forming a quick jutsu to leave his clone in charge.

After the studious replica of himself seemed to gain conscious control of the class, the real shinobi teacher felt safe to leave.

With speed worthy of someone bathroom deprived, Iruka had dashed out the door and into the classroom over. "Yumi-san!" He declared at the petit teacher in the front of the neighboring classroom. She jumped slightly at the abrupt interruption.

The frantic sensei was too late, the young kunoichi was already bending over to retrieve the paper from her chair. Iruka lunged at her, snatching the sheet out of her grasp before she'd pulled it close enough to view. "Bad joke someone played on me. Sorry to bother you." He was gone, hurling himself into the next classroom, each time his heart beat escalating in panic.

As he thundered through the hall, he crumpled papers as fast as he could, finding slowly that he was too late to gather them all. _Oh Kami-sama!_

His heart pounding, Iruka's mind raced with all the colleages that he was sure he'd have to face soon. The looks, the rumors, the horrible teacher's grudges! His heart ached at the thought of losing his job even, if the parents of his students ever found out. His frenzied mind had already sent him to an impending doom.

Around the corner, Anko was wandering down the hallway at a casual pace, reading half heartedly from a sheet in her hand. Iruka could barely keep from screaming, "Anko! Erm-!"

She looked over her shoulder and stared at him curiously. "Hello, Iruka-sensei." She smiled brightly, "How are you today?"

He shook his head fervently, "Not- not so good, Anko. Listen, there's a really long story behind all this, but right now I can't explain because…" He trailed off, staring at the sheet she'd been studying.

She held the paper up, grinning, "I didn't know you were so kinky, Iruka sensei!"

Blood drained from his head, Iruka's jaw clenching. The picture was gut wrenching, and slightly gruesome. The drawn portrayal of a bondage scene was placed in a dungeon, the dungeon master looking suspiciously happy, much like the amused grin Anko had on her face at the moment. The tortured soul attached to the wall was between ecstasy and pain. Iruka was quite sure that he would _never_ make that face, and that Anko sure as hell didn't have nipple rings with chains attached. Not that he was going to ask her. The Anko Slave Master had a whip raised above her head and one hand thrown back in preparation for a stinging blow to her man whore, Iruka-sensei himself.

Iruka gulped, eye twitching. "Erm."

Anko patted him on the shoulder. "It's okay. It's probably some F student that hates you, right? I cleared them all on this half of the building, if you got that half." She thumbed down the hall. "And I think I'll keep this one for personal amusement." She grinned lecherously. "Kid's a good artist at least."

Iruka stared in horror, "You can't keep that!"

She pouted at him, pointing at the wadded balls in his arm, "Are you keeping those?"

"No, I'm going to burn them!" Iruka tried to snatch at the paper she held above his head, but missed and only managed to drop a few of the other trash balls.

She giggled and danced about with the drawing, "For memories, come on!"

"What memories! That would never happen in a million years and you know it, so give it to me!"

"Beg for it, Iruka sensei!"

"No! Give it to me, Anko!"

"Say the magic word!"

"KAKASHI!"

"AAAANG. Wrong answer!" A swift kick to Iruka's shin had him dancing around in pain and frustration.

"Anko, give it to me! If Kakashi finds out you-"

"Ha! He'll never find it! I have access to the Hokage's vaults! No one can find anything in there." she giggled maliciously.

"Give! It! To! Me!" Iruka made another futile jump for the page.

o0O0o

In the staff room, not two feet from the argument, sat three wide eyed teachers, all petrified in their seats.

Genma swiveled his senbon to one side of his mouth, still staring at the drawing he'd found taped to his chair in the teachers lounge. "Um, is it just me, or is this picture talking?

"I think they're outside the door, Genma-sama." A lower ranking teacher murmured.

Genma's eyes were still glued to bondage scene. "No, I'm pretty sure that this picture is talking.

Anko's laughter filled the air in morbid triumph, "What are you going to do for it, Iruka?"

"I'm going to kill- OW! Stop it with the steel toes!"

"What's the safety word, Iruka!"

"ANKO, GIVE IT TO ME!"

o0O0o

Kakashi looked up from his studious observation of Icha Icha Illustrated, hearing thunder approach. It's name was Umino. The door slammed open, Iruka storming in like a tornado ready to destroy. Fire bright eyes rested on the unsuspecting Sharingan user. "Kakashi." He stated, passion and anger in his voice melded to sound deep and foreboding. Said man looked around in hesitance, trying to replay the day and any possible endeavors he may have taken to earn a punishment.

"Yes?" He offered hopefully.

"This is the last straw."

"Can I at least explain myself?" Icha Icha was tucked away to decrease any anger being generated.

"What?" Iruka blinked.

"What?" Kakashi hoped.

Iruka rolled his eyes and held up a bag of incinerating ashes. "This artist must be destroyed. At all cost."

A mixture of relief and curiosity overcame Kakashi's heart. Now that there was no danger of losing his head, either of them, there was some safety in approaching his peeved young lover. The Fearless Hatake heaved a sigh and stood up to remove the burning particles from Iruka's hand. He tossed them in the sink and patted the teacher on the shoulder. "Are you ready to abandon your pathetic little plan with Naruto and take my mission with Sasuke?"

Iruka smirked lightly, "How about we meet in the middle?"

Kakashi considered for a moment, then half nodded, "I suppose we can come to some sort of agreement. Shall we call a meeting?"

"Do it." Iruka stared at the remnants of copied drawings in their sink. "This artist will regret ever picking up a pencil."

* * *

Aawwee… fluff and crack… What a combination. And so much fun. Was it an okay chapter? 


	10. Fluffy protest to ?

oO

* * *

Internet Perditions 10 (Fluffy protest to... uuuuh...)

* * *

Kakashi had been elected to take the lead, Pakkun ahead of him, and Iruka in the rear. To either side, Naruto and Sasuke.

The air was damp with not only condensation, but apprehension. The tension shared between the four shinobi only heightened when Pakkun gave a triumphant little grunt from the lead.

"What is it?" Kakashi murmured to his pup, Sharingan aching to be released from the hitai-ate.

"We're getting closer. The artist is near."

o0O0o

After the Iruka-Anko school incident, all hell had broken loose. Iruka took his job, and his many children very seriously. How often had he gotten on Kakashi's case about reading Icha Icha in front of children? And there weren't any pictures involved even! The Copy-nin had been pelted, punched, pummeled, and threatened with lack of Umino ass, more times than he could count. All because of lewd words. To place a lewd picture in _every classroom_ at the academy was suicide.

Naruto and Sasuke had quickly agreed to the search party, and to the severe berating they would be given by Tsunade upon returning home. To waste shinobi time was to waste the Hokage's time, something the blonde woman didn't appreciate.

"How close?"

"Few miles." Pakkun rumbled, eyes lazily regarding each tree limb as it passed beneath his feet.

"Right." Iruka dropped back into formation again, watching the tail end of his lover flex with every leap. As he traveled, his mind began to prepare for the onslaught to come. A fight? A confrontation? A chase? Perhaps just a severe warning to some well informed teenager or something. He wasn't sure, but the fact that he was doing this inane mission eluded his better judgement for a moment or two.

Iruka only need recall the very personal picture taped to his chair. What audacious freak would so freely draw lewd pictures of powerful shinobi? The question began a small snow storm for the pre-gennin teacher. This artist, so dauntless, unfearing of the consequences. Did that mean he was a powerful shinobi perhaps? Was it Jiraiya-sama?! For a moment the chuunin turned three shades of purple and choked on his saliva. No no, it couldn't be. Kakashi would have known for sure. There's no way that pervert-san could draw an obscene picture anyway, he'd nose bleed all over it before he got a chance to finish. Not _every_powerful pervert shinobi was Jiraiya-sama anyway. There were others.

Not that Iruka could drag any to the front of his mind without rationale shooting the option down. There was Genma, a well known closet pervert to anyone unfortunate enough to stand beside him for more than ten minutes (a resulting grope was occasioned). Genma, though perverted as he be, was no artist. Iruka could attest. The doodles that the special jounin often scribbled on Iruka's clean white calender on his desk were terrible. Genma couldn't even doodle much less sketch and draw and create a sex scene. In fact, he couldn't even draw the external female sexual organ, and there wasn't a whole lot that needed be on the paper. Genma was out of the question.

Kotetsu, now he was the most unexpected, but Iruka had once spied him drawing the scenery out the window and nearly shouted with amazement. The man was a closet-artist, but was he a closet pervert? A question Iruka hoped to heaven and earth would not be answered in the moments to come. There was a rumor about the bandage on his nose; that he kept him from nose bleeding. Iruka thought it was just a silly rumor... til now. Was it there so he didn't nose bleed on his art?!

"Iruka," A firm voice dragged him from his reverie. "You're not focusing." Kakashi had dropped back in the formation slightly, "What's on your mind?"

The milk chocolate colored chunnin puffed his chest out to brave his fears. "I was just thinking it might be someone unexpected, someone we know. Wouldn't that be awful?" A sweeping gaze trailed a slightly sorrowful hint. "You know?"

Kakashi tried not to snort in amusement. "Someone we know, Iruka? How else would they-!" Kakashi halted with the speed and precision only a jounin had. In turn, the chuunin behind him crashed into him with a full body tackle. Kakashi grunted, but held his footing on the tree branch.

Iruka, the tree branch he had been aiming for occupied by some jackass jounin, fell straight down after the collision and into a pile of soft crunchy leaflets.

A verbal onslaught of Umino terror began to spew from fifty feet below, but suddenly each shinboi went quiet. Sasuke and Naruto gathered, but neither spoke.

Pictures littered the forest.

Hundreds of them.

Sketches, doodles, full color drawings; there had to be at least five hundred. Many were copies or the same scene drawn several different ways, but they plastered one hundred square feet of jungle. Iruka lifted a foot to peer at the drawings he had landed in. His foot, incidentally, had been covering up the lewd bits of Gaara raping Sasuke with a sand clone. His other foot was stepping on Sakura's face, which was contorted in a strange cross-eyed look of pleasure as Gai, of all people, pounded her from behind.

Iruka felt dirty.

He felt so dirty.

"S-s-s-s-s-s-!" Naruto was stuttering and trying not to touch anything. He was staring at one particular picture, attached to the tree with a shuriken. It was of himself, with five of his clones all pleasuring each other at once. "Sasuke, uuuuh... I've never done that before." he turned bright red and shook his head vigorously. "I swear."

Sasuke only cast him a few moments of 'I'm not sure I believe you' before noticing Itachi's recognizable face on a sketch not far from Naruto's head. "Aaaah!" Sasuke yelled at the tree and bolted forward, ripping the picture from the limb. "Why are there so many of me and Itachi?!" He snapped. "Haven't we already seen this one? Why is it here again?" He waved it at Kakashi indignantly.

Kakashi was cowering in his own mental throws of pain. Who would do that? Who would draw on Obita/Rin/Kakashi threesome? His throat choked up as a certain nerve was struck. Something more heartening lifted him though, as the Umino on the ground screeched.

"I would _never_ do a threesome with Genma and Raidoh!" He bellowed and stomped on a picture not far from his left foot. More stomping continued until he was standing in the center of one large circle of brown foot prints. He noticed one of Neji on Sasuke just before stomping the picture an inevitable demise.

"ARG!" Naruto exploded, collecting several pictures, "My sexy jutsu! It's everywhere! Tsunade-baa-chan?! Me and Tsunade-granny?! Aaah!" He tore through another one, then relaxed just slightly. "Oh, hey, this one isn't so bad."

The group turned their eyes on him in surprise. Not so bad? He found an acceptable picture among this land of gut wrenching porn?

Sasuke peered at the image. It was clearly Naruto in Sexy no Jutsu, giving head to some unrecognizable person. "Well, at least we can't see who it is, right?" The optimism was soaked in molasses.

"Wait." Kakashi leaned around the couple to look at the back of the image, "Actually, the reverse side is part of the image.

The paper flipped around in Naruto's hand, eyes being graced with the back of Sexu Jutsu Narutos' head, and Sharingan eyes grinning with pleasurable spite. "Aug! It's Itachi!" Sasuke snatched the picture away and tore it to small snowflake sized pieces.

"This is ridiculous!" Iruka finally bellowed from the grounds below. "Pakkun!"

"Ueer," The pug was staring at a picture that depicted his master in a very intimate act with at least six kunoichi. And, what was this? Pakkun himself was in the background! He stared closer. And he had... something... between his legs?

"Pakkun!" Kakashi snapped, bringing the dog to a flustered but attentive stance. "Where is the artist?"

"Smell is everywhere. And it's more than one! I smell that first scent, the pervert one, and then I smell all kinds of others. There was a gathering here." he explained, nose upturned to the Fire country winds that brought him his information. "They've left this place for sure." He informed, trying desperately not to cast a glance at the image with himself depicted in the corner.

Kakashi scowled, single visible eye darkened with the depths of anger. "This isn't over yet."

* * *

...why? Why isn't it over yet?

I apologize for the long absence. I really do. What spurred me to write this was an update from tampoposensei (I know a bunch of you got the same update). XD So I was in the kakairu mood and decided to head back to the "cliff hanger." That, and another driving force was someone posted my story somewhere (no idea where) and I got a flood of reviews. It made me super happy. XD Thank you so much for the loves! Now I need fluff. Progression of Love needs updating, too, doesn't it? Hmmm...

-Lotus Aia


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